The "F" Word

         Just in case you're wondering, the "F" word I am referring to is "Failure" (but I got your attention, didn't I?) - I thought I would clear that up before going any further.

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           As most of you know (and if you didn't, I'm telling you now), I am in school going through to get my bachelor's degree in education. And today, marks 1 week until I am in an ACTUAL classroom, with ACTUAL students, with them ACTUALLY expecting me to teach them something. Yikes - talk about pressure! This makes me incredibly nervous (scared, emotional, frightened, etc. etc.). And it's not like I should be nervous at all. I mean, I have tons of experience working with kids (oodles and oodles!). But every time I think about it, this little poisonous idea of failure seeps into my mind. What if I don't know what to do? What if I can't speak in front of them? What if I can't handle a classroom? What if I'm not creative enough? What if, what if, what if....

           This causes me much anxiety and a little bit of an identity crisis. You see, as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a teacher. Always! I worked hard in school, got good grades, volunteered in the field, made connections, and completed 3 years of university...all in hopes of coming out with this diploma.

           The thought of failure is poisonous. It's a moment of doubt, which causes you to question everything. We all have these ideal "timelines" that we have for our lives. Graduated by 21. Dream job at 23. Married by 25. Kids by 27.

But what if our life doesn't go according to "plan"?
Did we fail?

            If I don't get married by 27, did I fail? What if I don't get married at all? If you don't have kids by the time you thought you would have had some, who are you really letting down? We set these horrid, impossible standards for ourselves. We don't know what our future is going to bring, but we do know who controls our future. God. He's got everything in control. We just have to sit back, and let him lead us.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lead not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall make direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Did you get that? Lean not on your OWN understanding!! 
Jesus says "I've got the plan. My timeline for your life is perfect. Trust me!"

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             With that being said, I still have anxiety about next week, but I am trying my best to give it up to the Lord. "Cast all your cares upon him, for he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7)

Do you have a fear of failure? (Please tell me I'm not the only one!!!)